I dont want to love him this much anymore because its hurting me so bad :/?

i never planned to be in a relationship and i didnt love him at first when we fell out i wouldnt hurt i'd just shrug it off but now i'v been with him months and he makes me hurt so bad inside i hurt already my mums termanly ill and my dad drinks to hide his feelings about it, my bf makes everything feel better and comforts me when hes with me i actually feel like i can carry on day by day but the thought of losing the only happiness in my life tares me into pieces when he goes to his friends i try to keep myself busy but its hard when i know hes around girls.. i always ask myself why is he with me!? i always see really pretty girls and then theres me thats that depressed with my life that i cant make an effort and when i do he doesnt care. :/ with everythin going on i try to issalate myself and feeling this way just makes me eat and im scared to get fat.. he doesnt understand how i feel all the time speshally when he leaves me i know i cant expect him to be with me 24/7 but my mum is getting more ill everyday! and my dads slowly going down hill and its soo hurtful to watch, i wanna make him proud and get a good job but im that low im not sleeping much and i after wake up at 5 to go to work and college then i after hurt about james leaving me and i'm just physically exausted and i just dont no what to do anymore! i dont even have anyone to talk to :/ and its come to the point were if i didnt have james in my life i dont even wanna be here anymore!? because i just love him so much and i never let myself fall this far ever but i cant help it, and now i just wanna cry all the time and im turning inot the needy girlfriend.. i do talk to james about my problems and pleease dont tell me to go out and have fun with my friends because i dont have any to make my life even more shii! i isolated myself and they stoped talking to me theyv moved on and i feel so lonely and feel as tho james is all i have im sorry for all the spelling mystakes but im just so exuated and i really cba :/ i just need some kind of advise or comfort or just anything iv had enough :'(